Open Thread: “I’m stuck in a pair of handcuffs”

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I heard this on my local radio station yesterday and they were having a blast with this one. And of course Red Eye is enjoying it as well in the clip below.

In short, priest calls 911 with a ball-gag in his mouth because he’s locked in a pair of handcuffs and he needs help getting out. Did I mention he’s calling from his church? Ouch!


Is Greg right about 911 calls?

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  • Joe



    By the way Scoop -how did you get a photo of cuffs that quickly?

    • Oh i just took a photo….oh wait…um…google images πŸ˜‰

      • Quick thinking… Nice save! No, no… We believe you! πŸ˜‰

  • sjmom

    A leave of absence?

  • Patron saint of young students. Oh man this is priceless!!!!!!!!!

  • All 911 calls should be private. Never released. They may be used as evidence in court but that’s it. Many states won’t even allow you to record a phonecall without express permission from all involved. So why should these -private calls for help from the police – be open to public scrutiny.

    • Yeah I typically hate 911 calls. I hate hearing people in fear or sorrow calling for help.

      I’m not sure how to handle it but I think Greg makes a good point.

      • I love Greg! He makes such great points using humor to drive them home in a way that dry cold just stating of the facts ofttimes fail miserably. It took me a while to figure him out, but now he and Eric are the only reason the Five is worth watching.

        Did anyone see “Disgusting Bob” at it again today? How he has not been fired and replaced by a Libtard with a brain is beyond me.

        • Nukeman60

          Did you see that he refused the elephant hat for losing the bet with Eric? I couldn’t believe he actually offered $100 to pay the bet off. Since gambling is illegal, I don’t think someone should be paying off a bet with cash right on camera.

          But then, Beckel is Beckel. It’s in the dictionary, right after batty.

          • Saw that! I was thinking… He better be saying something like “This is a donation for your favorite charity” sometime soon, but he never did… He’s such a sleazy person… The rest keep saying he’s ok off camera, but we have to put up with him ON camera! I loved Greg telling him he was full of crap! πŸ™‚

        • Real libs don’t show up for work every day.

        • poljunkie

          I agree Wolfie. Greg has matured into a well seasoned television guy.
          He has grown on me from the early Red Eye days when he came across as obnixious.

        • PicklePlants

          Wolfie, for me, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Dana Perino, and Andrea Tantaros, add tremendous value as well!

          • They do. I like them all. Except Bob and whatshisface that sometimes sits in for him.

            I’d like to see Alan Colmes on there for the Left sometime, and why not Hannity. They need to call it the Six and have the regular 5 and one new guest each show to change things up a bit.

            • PicklePlants

              Or, how about getting rid of the token lib and fill the panel with 5 solid conservatives that take on the issues of the day. They could focus on specific issues or go off into their own tangents. They have a simple version of this in the “One More Thing” segment. They also give Gutfeld this leeway regularly.

              I could do without giving any air-time to the lib’s.

  • Rshill7


    He was probably just practicing for an upcoming sermon on the binding nature of…uh…sin.

    The very best presentations always include visual aids.

    It’s 100% “Innocent” I’m sure. Had he not taken a vow of poverty he might have been able to afford the key.

    • You are a wicked man! πŸ˜‰

      • Rshill7

        Blesth me father for I have thsinned, itsth been thseven daysth thsince my lastht confethssion…

        • Either you have something stuck in your mouth or you’ve had a little too much “Holy Wine” πŸ™‚

          • I thought ourBear was channelling his inner Elmer Fudd.

            • Kill the wabbit!!!! Can’t think of him without that song immediately springing right in there:

              “What’s Opera, Doc?” (Kill the Wabbit)”

              • Better to kill the wabbit than have this:

                • cabensg

                  Still makes me laugh.

                  Elmer and Obama…I mean Daffy.

                • Please tell me you didn’t compare me to dear leader there! I thought you liked me?!


                • cabensg

                  No, no. Elmer is shooting off Obama’s head.

                • celestiallady

                  Best thing I heard all night πŸ™‚

                • Those Looney Tunes animators are such DUCKIST BASTARDS!!!! Daffy is black too! Where’s the NAADP (National Assoc. of American Duck Persons) When you need them!!!

                  Aside: We had a duck for Christmas… Great guy, he’s invited back again next year when he’s flying south! πŸ™‚

              • cabensg

                There’s never been nor ever will be a cartoon series as good as Bugs. Jones was a genius. I’ve had to have seen every cartoon 30 times or more.

                For years Sunday morning was coffee in bed time with cartoons. Boy! that’s been more years ago than I care to think about.

                • Welcome to my world. I love those cartoons as much now as I did then.

                  Ever see what passes for modern cartoons? Utter garbage! Not funny, just garbage… I feel sad for the youth of today having to put up with such pap!

                • cabensg

                  The horror was when someone else took over Bugs Bunny. The drawing sucked, the stories were humorless and all he did was talk like they do in the cartoons now. I to feel sorry for the youth growing up today. I sometimes wonder if they know what humor is if it isn’t getting hit in the crotch or belittling someone. Oh shoot! I said I wasn’t going to write anything serious.

                • Rshill7

                  That’s the same way I feel about milk: Utter garbage.

                • I love milk.

                • Rshill7

                  Mornin’ Wolf. My kids love milk too. I just never could get into it except on cereal.

                  I make up for the deficit with cheeeeeeese πŸ™‚

                • Morning Bear! πŸ™‚
                  I like cheddar cheese, but not the sharp stuff, you?

                • Rshill7

                  All kinds.

        • Rshill7

          Uh oh, John Bohler is in here. Bye!

          • ??

            • Rshill7

              Referring to our little Catholic/Protestant row a couple of days ago πŸ™‚

              • What row? (selective memory is fantastic…) I’ve been using it since… erm… What was I saying???? Nurse!!! My morphine is getting low again! πŸ™‚

              • Ah yes, that little mini civil war. that was fun lol

                • Rshill7


          • Knock it off! πŸ˜‰

          • Cindy09

            LOL!! πŸ™‚

          • las1

            Did you hear the one about a rabbi, a priest, a minister and a pair of handcuffs?

            • Did you hear about the joker that left us waiting for the other shoe to drop!? πŸ™‚ What’s the rest of the joke? πŸ™‚

              • las1

                Sorry… just a dumb segue to the religious wars a few days back.

                If the 911 receiver was able to determine from the Priest if the handcuffs were new, he could have probably advised him to wear them a little longer till they stretched out thus saving the time and effort of dispatching a cop car.

                • OH las1, I was only kidding… I posted in the spirit of the thread… or was that in the spirit of the bottle I’m holding! πŸ˜‰ But the handcuffs I had, I could slip out of them easily… My pals and I used to play “tie up” and we’d see who could tie someone up so they couldn’t escape… Sounds creepy now, but we were kids and playing… Upshot is I can escape from almost any rope, handcuffs combo… So if some serial killer ever kidnaps me, he’s the one going out in the bag, not me! πŸ™‚

                • poljunkie

                  My dad’s favorite line used to be to us kids – when we were playing, acting crazy and running around like maniacs…., and then to the grandkids “someone’s going to end up crying”

                  On most occasions someone usually did.

                  I dont remember us playing “tie up” though.

                • las1

                  Believe me… I tried to think of a good “priest, rabbi and minister” joke… but it’s winter up here… and my brain was a little frozen.

                  Hey… I just thought of a good nickname for you there Wofie… Houdini.

            • Rshill7



  • Does anyone know… Are handcuffs and keys that you can purchase in a “magic/illusion” type store the same handcuffs and keys that the cops use? I was told they were the same, but I could never confirm it.

    • Rshill7
      • ???

        I’m not looking to buy them, I already have a vast stock of handcuffs and cha..i…n…er…s… LOL! (Channeling Greg there. πŸ™‚ )

        • Cindy09

          Aggghhhh!!! Sounds that you’re getting ready for communion…!! LOL!! “Pardon me, father I’ve sinned.” “Here’s a whip…or some chains, Cindy!!”)

          (Oh, My!! Now I am gonna get myself in a heck of trouble (literally!).

          I’m just kidding!!!

          • If you’re a Catholic, you’re going to have to spend the rest of the night praying “Hail Marys” and “Our Fathers” for that one! Hope you have a comfy knee pad… oh… hell… wait!!!! πŸ™‚

            • Cindy09

              I remember those days of my childhood, back then when I was a catholic. We had to put coarse salt under our knees to really convey “contrition”. Man!!! That hurt!! It was punishment. It was never over until all 10 “Hail Mary’s” were uttered!! I feel like I’m in a similar situation right now!! LOL!!!

              • Confession every Saturday… You’re pals waiting for you outside the Confessional… To see “what did you get?” and you’d have to go up to the altar and pray what the Priest gave you… And you were desperate to rush through them but they you were afraid God might get mad so you had to say them all with a good heart… Ah Growing up Catholic, nothing like it! πŸ™‚

                • celestiallady

                  Oh gosh what nightmares! I used to make stuff up that I did wrong cause my parents said I had to go to confession.

                • Cindy09

                  Me too!! And it ranged from “I stole sugar” to “I stole milk”! πŸ™‚

                • celestiallady

                  I never stole just lied.

                • Cindy09

                  Exactly, that was the “essence” of confession for kids! We just made up things as we go! When we got back to school on Monday, our catechism teacher would ask us if we’ve been to confession over the weekend.

                • I didn’t have trouble finding stuff, i just confessed whatever venial sins i had. (cheating, overly annoying my siblings, things like that) but you might have a point… we got to start catechizing that ANY lie in the confessional is a Mortal sin.

                • poljunkie

                  So you made up what you were making up?

                  I love it CL.

                  To be a kid again.

                • Did you and your friends do as we did… Sit there before mass suggesting “good sins” to confess to? LOL! We were all so innocent then… NO real sins… but going in, it wouldn’t be right to say “I didn’t sin at all this past week Father”… He’d never believe you! LOL! πŸ™‚

                • celestiallady

                  Oh I tried saying that and he even did believe me. Couldn’t do it more than once though.

                • poljunkie

                  Cindy, What little kid steals milk? He believed that? I love it

                  Edit: I spelled kid wrong!

                • Cindy09

                  We used powdered milk in those days and had the bare minimum at home. Candies were a rare delight but powdered milk was accessible – so was sugar! πŸ™‚

                • poljunkie

                  We still use powdered milk at home…I like it better for things like hot chocolate!
                  I know im nuts!!!

                • LOL! I remember that… Being in the confessional… Trying to think of things to say… Didn’t want them to be too bad… One time… And I’m not going to detail this, the priest got out of his part, opened my door and in front of everyone ordered me out of the confessional! Took a trip to a different church to fix that one. LOOONG story!!!

                • celestiallady

                  Oh funny – my priest always believed what we said – too bad. I grew up thinking I was a bad kid lol!

                • poljunkie

                  O how terrible CL. (replying here because- the other has no reply button). Im so sorry, and will hold a good thought for you and all of their family members.

                  Thanks for responding to me.

                • celestiallady

                  Thank you poljunkie – I just can’t stop wanting to cry.

                • Cindy09

                  On Christmas Eve during Mass, my friends and I would “play angels” – all robed up – for the occasion and stand and sit on and around the altar. Sometimes, we would fall asleep, we were young kids back then and we’d fall asleep just before midnight – the midnight bells would wake us up. A bunch of sleeping angels!
                  Our family’s life turned around when my single mom got very sick with septicemia and was given a few months to live. That was when we had our “come to Jesus” moment! Mom got healed by God’s grace and is, to this day, alive and well!

                • Wow! That was fun and got all serious! Thank you for sharing! God bless you and your mom! That’s the kind of uplifting story that makes me feel good to be alive!

                • celestiallady

                  I’m not even gonna say why I was sad and ruin the fun but you all saved my night..big thanks

                • God Bless you Celestiallady! Remember, when all else fails… HE is there for you. Sometimes HE is all that is there for you… I know. Later… Good evening.

                • celestiallady

                  I know you are gone but hope you read this later. I am not sad for me but for some others, one in my family that have to deal with a tragedy that happened here. Say prayers for them.

                • poljunkie

                  Oh no. I hope everything will be ok CL.

                • celestiallady

                  It won’t – 3 great young men locally got lost snowmobiling and went through the ice on a lake here and are missing. One is a cousin to my son and daughter on their dad’s side. It has hit the whole area hard. It is just so sad. Thanks for caring.

                • poljunkie

                  Oh wow. Fantastic.


              • Rshill7

                In Navy boot camp we had to do knuckle pushups on coarse gravel…you know, for our country πŸ™‚

                • celestiallady


                • Ha Navy! We had to do knuckle pushups on spikes, and clap 3 times in between while spinning around in the air in between our 250 pushups… And that was the warmup! πŸ˜‰

                • celestiallady

                  I wanna see that!

                • Rshill7

                  Ever been locked up in a room with teargas while mucous poured from every hole in your body? Uh huh. Ever juggle live grenades? Did your CO ever throw knives at you to check your reflexes?

                  Ever disobey a direct order? Nevermind, I don’t wanna talk about that.

                • Yeah, but what did you do when “playtime” was over? πŸ™‚

                  Our teacher once locked us in our classroom when 2 stinkbombs were dropped so we could avoid a lesson. Does that count?

                  A “friend” of mine once fired a rifle at me and missed my head by a few inches “for a laugh”…. I never knew if he was really kidding… But I didn’t go out into the woods with him again after that… Doies that count?

                  Every hang from a railway bridge over a raging river for a “dare” from your friends even though you couldn’t swim? I did… My friends “pretended” to try and loose my fingers so I’d drop into the river…

                  I had some crappy friends didn’t I! My wife is convinced that kids must have some very overworked Guardian Angels – Else none of us would ever have reached adulthood! πŸ™‚

                • Rshill7

                  That’s nuthin’!

                  Ever been lost at Disney Land and couldn’t find your Mommy or Daddy?

                  The Prosecution rests!

                • poljunkie

                  Oh geez Wolfie.

                  I bungeed jumped over a river. Does that count. I didnt want to but the peer pressure from my family was incredible.I took so long to step off the bridge that the operator was threatening to push me.

                  Ya, I wouldnt have gone out in the woods again with the guy either after he pulled a Cheney on me. Glad he missed- or you might not be here with us!

                  Typo (edit)

                • I’ve heard stories about the teargas test. OY!

                • poljunkie

                  I haven’t but what you just wrote about my husband described from basic training. The first two anyway.

                  Sounds horrible.

                • Rshill7

                  Really? Yay! πŸ™‚

                • poljunkie

                  Ha, thats simple I do that every day blindfolded- before I do my workout!


                • Cindy09

                  Oh! Man, talk about a bruised and bright red “polka dotted” pair of knees! Did they make you go a distance on your knees? This is the worse punishment ever!! Sometimes I wonder if those COs did not suffer from some kind of disorder!! But pain was good then, today alas! our liberal friends would cry out “Torture”!

                • Rshill7

                  Sounds pretty πŸ™‚

                • poljunkie

                  Oh Rs- Re your Disneyland post- when I was 4, my parents actually lost my brother at Disney land. They did!!!

                  We were watching the fireworks show I think near the Matterhorn, and my brother who was around 11 walked away because he didnt like the sound. My parents freaked out and started looking for him but it was crowded and crazy. This was in 1964 or 1965.

                  We looked for him for what seemed like hours. Finally my parents went to security and they said to go back to our motel. Can you believe it?
                  As a parent I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE DONE THAT.
                  Anyway, my dad took us back to the motel, and my nearly hysterical mother stayed with my sister and me while my dad went back to the park.

                  At 4 or 5 am my dad shows up with the police and my brother. First my mom was thrilled to see him, then she read him the riot act for a hour or so.

                  He said when the fireworks went off the noise got to him and he ran to the parking lot, then they wouldnt let him back in to the park.

            • poljunkie

              I’m not going there…..hee hee

    • KenInMontana

      Typically the “magic cuffs” have a hidden release on them, real cuffs do not, the keys tend to be different as well. I carry two sets at work, a set of the traditional Peerless “chained” type and a set of Smith & Wesson “hinged” style, no magic release buttons on those.

      • Thanks for the info Ken.

  • FreeManWalking

    I heard it on my local radio station this morning or yesterday morning.

  • Nukeman60

    Years ago, when my son worked as an assistant manager of Circuit City, he used to field a ton of calls about problems with people’s computers. One day a woman called saying the new computer she just bought there wouldn’t boot up and she needed assistance. Well, most problems are solved easily, so the first question he usually asks is, “Is it plugged in”. She said “wait a minute, I need to get a flashlight”. After asking why she needed a flashlight, she told him the power was out and it was dark in the room.

    You can’t make these things up, folks. Another one heading to the Obamaphone store on her algae-powered Unicorn.

    • poljunkie

      Oh how funny.

      • Nukeman60

        But absolutely true. πŸ™‚

        • Now, it’s just a bit frightening! πŸ˜‰

          • Nukeman60

            My younger son loves to quote from one of his favorite book series, Sword of Truth. There is a series of rules called Wizard’s Rules and Wizard’s Rule #1 is plainly: “People are stupid”. No plainer than that.

            • A lot are… Me, I’m “special” of course! Just like everyone else! LOL!

            • I have a favorite saying from the Piers Anthony Xanth books. He has this one magician who appears in almost every book, and he’s a cranky old git. Like any homeowner who’s also a handyman, he’s always having to contend with things that don’t want to work properly. Anyway, he likes to say,

              “Never underestimate the perversity of the inanimate.”

        • poljunkie

          I walked in to tell my husband the story and before I even finished- he said power failure, and dolt.

          To be fair though, he’s an IT guy and many many years ago he worked in tech support.

    • Oh crap that made me spew porkchops all over the monitor!

      • Rshill7

        Dat’s whatchacall flying pig shrapnel thithter!

      • Nukeman60

        Did that woman just come back from Circuit City? Hmmm…

    • Rshill7

      One time when we were teens, my little brother was in the backyard smokin’ a doobie and Dad came home. He didn’t know Dad was there until right before Dad opened the back door. My brother was standing there all nervous, red-eyed, guilty looking, and not thinking straight.

      Dad: “Son, what are you doing?”

      Brother: “Playing with the dogs.”

      Dad: “Son, the dogs were with me.”


      • poljunkie

        Ha hahahah.


      • Nukeman60

        Classic. πŸ™‚

    • Joe

      Obama supporter I bet!

      • Nukeman60

        Non-voter, more likely.

  • celestiallady

    I was sad – you guys are killing me – lol.

    • cabensg

      Me to. Still laughing!!

      We’re all on your side. πŸ™‚

      • celestiallady

        Aw cute – thanks. I’m smiling!

    • Cindy09

      Yes, it’s so nice having a good laugh from time to time!!!

      • celestiallady

        It sure is and I’m lovin it.

  • cabensg

    I’m not writing about anything serious this whole thing was just to much fun. I’m gonna go back and watch the whole “kill the wabbit” now.

  • Dang it… 17 new posts and I have to go…. It’s been fun guys! Have a great evening and see you all back here again soon Please God.

    • poljunkie

      Ohhhh. Its been fun and entertaining Wolfie.

  • tshtsh

    How would a trillion dollar coin differ from monopoly money? Washington’s spending is already as if “money grows on trees”. Guess it would have b.o. face/ears on it and the Latin equivalent of sucker in very small print upside down and backward on the reverse.

    • upside down and backward

      That would make it an “error coin,” so it would be a rare collectable, and therefore worth some real money.

  • aZjimbo

    This country is so screwed up beyond belief.

  • Crikey! It’s come to this. Ace put up a post by Andrew Klavan (PJMedia writer/commenter, and television writer), pointing out that we needn’t give in to despair.

    Okay, a conservative having to write something like that is already data that looks bad.

    But worse, a lot of the ‘roons and ‘ettes were giving him grief for it. Like the whole, “despair” thing is something they refuse to relinquish at this time, or something.

    I don’t understand this at all.

    It’s like people have never had it tough or something. Or never worked a rough job (farming, crab boat, soldier, etc). What is this “despair” crap? Whatever happened to just getting on with the job at hand?

    • KenInMontana

      It’s called “Surrenderitis”, it can be fatal if not treated promptly.

      • Looks like it. I decided that thread was about the best example I’ve ever seen of why an all-volunteer military is crucial. If it had been a random collection of citizens moping around, I would understand it. But this is a bunch of right-siders (supposedly). People who have at least once or twice honored those men and women who gave their last full measure of devotion. And only about 20% of them seemed to feel like the battle is worth the effort.

        My guess is, if one guy in a platoon feels like that in a real fight, it endangers the whole platoon. (I never saw combat, or wore the uniform, but that seems likely to me, as a student of history.)

  • Did you hear what Crispy Cream Christie said.

    “N.J. Gov. Chris Christie: Folks in Washington Could Learn Something from Our Record Here”

    See for yourself

  • tinlizzieowner

    You can bet your Rosary, he didn’t get into that S&M gear all by himself. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

  • NanNJ

    Right Scoop you are better than this.

  • NCHokie02

    Since this was an open thread thought I’d mention something I saw on Wilkow (on the blaze) last night. They talked about how David Gregory used a 30-rnd magazine for some demonstration during his sunday morning show. Wilkow then brought up DC law which states that being in possession of a high-capacity magazine (larger than 10 rnds), regardless of wether it is attached to a firearm or not, is against DC law. NBC asked the DC Metro PD if they could do this and the PD said no. David Gregory still did it. DC metro PD then said when questioned by Wilkow about it that it was under investigation. I don’t know what there is to investigate since he held it up on national tv. I’m guessing he won’t get arrested however and will get a pass.

    Wilkow went on to make the point that liberals only like laws sometimes. For example if a really poor person stole $1,000 from a billionaire that wouldn’t be too bad. I mean the guy is really poor and the $1,000’s isn’t going to hurt the billionaire. But he broke the law….so he should be punished according to the law. Correct? Same with David Gregory. NBC apparently knew the law since they asked the MPD. However when denied they went ahead with it anyways. Did Gregory hurt anyone? No. Did he break the law? Yes. So he should be punished according to D.C. law.

  • Conniption Fitz

    Guess Who? (hang in there till the end, your first guess may be wrong)


    • Was thinking it might be Zero, but I figured that’s what it wanted me to think and that it must be someone else. So I was thinking maybe it was one of America’s early Presidents. But at about the 2 minute stage I realized who it was. Good video! πŸ™‚

  • mediaaccess1
  • kong1967

    ….and who would want him as their pastor now? He surely lost every bit of respect anyone had for him.