As reported by Newsbusters, Ed Schulz used the extreme cold weather around the country as a prop twice during his show on Monday. Once in a clumsy series of metaphors about extending unemployment benefits, and once as proof of global warming.
The first was using the cold to illustrate .. something … about republicans and unemployment.
No one can control the weather. You know what? Not everybody can control their employment situation. Not only can we [sic] stop the wind from blowing, we can’t stop the Republicans from being heartless and cruel. There is no doubt that we have special circumstances. Just like people are taking special conditions in their lives to deal with these kinds of numbers, we need to be taking certainly some special measurements to help people who have been unemployed for a long time.
And here I thought “special measurements” was just a phrase used by Ed’s tailor to spare his feelings. The bombastic Schultz is really reaching to make this ill-conceived concept work.
I mean, I’m trying to imagine how the idea came up to use the weather as a metaphor for unemployment and I just … I just don’t know. Maybe:
Intern [staring at iPhone]: Mm-hmm.
Ed: You know? Because everybody is talking about the cold, so using it as some kind of metaphor would be clever.
Intern: Metaphor. Yep.
Ed: Like, what goes with cold. Cold, cold. Hmm. Cold. … Mold? No that’s not right.
Intern: Turn up the thermostat.
Ed: What?
Intern: If you’re cold.
Ed: Oh. No that won’t work. How about … cold blooded? Oooh, coldcock? Can I say coldcock?
Standards and Practices: Heh. NOW you want our opinion?
Ed: Just answer me about coldcock.
S&P: You know, I’m on a break. So …
Intern: Sure I could take a break.
Intern 2 [has been looking over intern 1’s shoulder this whole time]: Dude push the thing!
Intern 1: Got it.
Ed: No breaks! And no thing!
S&P: You can say thing.
Ed: What?! No listen. A metaphor using the cold!
Intern 1: Hey man, you said I could take a break.
Ed: I didn’t .. dammit. You know, you’re both fired.
Intern 2: Fires are hot bro.
Intern 1: Hot.
Ed: I’m not hot. I’m firing you.
S&P: You can DEFINITELY say you’re not hot. We report, your eyes decide.
Ed: Oh for …. that’s not even our
Intern 1: Ice decide? That sounds cold. Are we done?
Ed: Yeah, you’re UNEMPLOYED! … wait that’s it. Unemployment. Cold hearted republicans should extend jobless benefits.
Intern 2: PUSH THE THING MAN!!
Intern 1: This break area sucks.
S&P: Don’t say sucks.
Ed: Sigh. Just forget it. Someone get me thirty twinkies and a bag of meth.
S&P: You can’t say ..
Ed: Oh settle down. I’m probably just kidding.
But no, probably not. That makes him sound too smart. It was probably more like …
Ed: LET’S BRING A RETHUGLICAN ON THE AIR AND SPIT ON HIM AND STEAL HIS WALLET.
Everyone else: Ed, just .. just let the interns write something. They just got back from Colorado.
Heyo! And then there’s the second clip, where Schultz tries to blame the extreme cold on global warming. Remember, if you say the cold goes against global warming, you’re a fool because weather does not equal climate. But if you say the cold proves global warming, well, then you get a job at MSNBC. He asks the meteorologist:
“What’s your analysis of this cold snap? Is it climate change? The aftermath of what we’ve seen happen in our environment? How do you call it, Mace?”
Notice the careful use of “climate change” as opposed to global warming. Because focus groups.
But the weatherguest doesn’t dig Ed out. Not only does he not confirm global warming as the culprit, he actually mentions that weather is cyclical, which is a borderline heretical fact we’re all supposed to have forgotten. I’d wager ten snow angels he gets reprimanded by the high priests of AGW.
MSNBC has had a lot of problems lately. Turnover, apologies, bad press, bad at being press. But at least they know that, despite it all, they still have Ed Schultz there, making all the rest of their hosts look smart by comparison. Good for you Ed! I hope they let you stay up late and watch whatever you want tonight.
And for God’s sake, WON’T SOMEBODY PUSH THE THING??!!