If you’re hearing the theme song from Rocky no matter where you went today, it’s because American hero and socialist scion Bernie Sanders has announced that he is going to announce that he’s gonna challenge the Democratic Party’s regal queen Hillary Clinton for the nomination!! Whoah how exciting!
If he wins, he will become the first part-turtle president in history, ever, which would certainly thrill all the turtle-Americans, but would vex those of us who believe he would give the vote to the aggrieved constituency. In any case, BERNIE is IN!! Watch out Hillary! You’re about to be… Sandered!!!
Just kidding, he’s no hero, and he’s a loser and won’t even come close to the Hillinator.