Dear Democrat relative,
Let’s be honest, you don’t like me, and I don’t like those Liberty Mutual commercials where they tell you a story about a car you named Brad. But it’s the holidays, and apparently, according to the DNC, that means TOTAL. WAR. Their new guide came out this week telling you how to talk to me so you can try and infect me with Democrat, which is definitely the point of holiday gatherings. Even so, perhaps it is best if we didn’t spend this joyous occasion arguing about who is a fascist and who is a pansy and so on. (ps. They are both you.)
Well now we have an out. A wonderful holiday terror bypass where everyone wins. An exit if you will. And like all things that indicate premature evacuation, this out is named Alan Grayson.
Contribute now to be entered to win a call from me to your Republican relative on Thanksgiving – oh, the fun! https://t.co/l4rDKiN0MX
— Rep. Alan Grayson (@AlanGrayson) November 24, 2015
Yes, you can have a surrogate simpleton speak to me on your behalf. Alan is offering to call one “lucky” supporter’s family member and debate on his or her behalf to his or her relative who is a conservative male or female (but only those two because Republicans hate your gender identity) about politics or, presumably, life the universe and everything. (The book, of course.)
Dearest relative of mine. Sweet, kindly, lovable Democrat person of familial relation … how can you resist? Listen to what is being offered here!
Remember, I’ve spent my entire career arguing with top Republicans (and winning). I have graduate degrees from Harvard in public policy and law. Your Obamacare-hating, Fox-News-watching, anti-union uncle (or your aunt, brother, brother-in-law, I don’t discriminate against right-wing nut jobs) doesn’t stand a chance against me.
Contribute $3 or more now to be entered to win a call from me to your Republican relative on Thanksgiving – oh, the fun!
Oh the fun indeed.
Let me tell you something, this is a great idea. You see, Alan Grayson is a troll. He tries to dress it up as debate, but he really is a run-of-the-mill troll. Remember “Republicans want you to die quickly?” Troll. And this is an appeal to troll on Thanksgiving. How thankful is that?! Or something.
This guy refers to HIMSELF as the liberal with guts. Seriously! He is the Donald Trump of Democrats! (Also Donald Trump is the Donald Trump of Democrats but that’s a discussion for another day.)
Alan Grayson wants to call a Republican on Thanksgiving so he can browbeat them over Obamacare because THAT is what family holidays are ABOUT. This is fate. It’s kismet (the concept, not your parkour instructor). It’s that thing where you travel through time and find out you can’t kill Hitler because the timeline is already set. A fait accompli.
The truth is that deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that call, you need me on that call.
Let’s make it happen.
Your Right Wing Nut Job Kin,
PS: I promise I won’t just ruin his whole schtick by hanging up on him. I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Thank you, Twitchy, for bringing this to my attention.