By Caleb Howe

The President skipped a few Weekly Addresses recently because of the Ukraine troubles. It’s good that someone is finally holding those lazy Ukrainians accountable for something.

In this week’s address, the President is focusing on taking care of business and working overtime. Work out. He starts out by reminding us about his favorite new kind of year, the “of action” kind, and then points out that he’s working overtime (ha!) “with or without Congress” in case you have been deaf and blind and unconscious and dead for the last couple of months and missed his coronation.

In order to “expand opportunity” Obama has “reviewed” overtime rules. Thank goodness someone finally thought of that. He wants more Americans to have more chances to be a part of more economies that work for more people. Moar. And that means for everybody, not just the “fortunate few” that work overtime for extra money, those fat cats. This is a whole new and refined class warfare. The have nots versus the have almost nots. Don’t worry, there’s a handy chart at the end.

He goes on to talk about sharing the growth. Which is like sharing the wealth, but with less wealth and more hand me downs.

Obama says he wants to restore the “basic principle” that if you have to work more, you should be able to earn more, which was laid down in the Garden of Eden when Adam was like “you want me to name HOW MANY animals??” That’s also when Eve was created, so that Adam could feel guilty about missing hot apple pie night because he was working late.

He goes on to say that part of the plan is to simplify the system so it’s easier for everyone. Being as how that has worked out swimmingly when it comes to taxes and Obamacare, what could possibly go wrong?

Americans have spent too long working more and getting less in return, says the Prez. I don’t know about the rest of you slackers but this is definitely true for strippers, who are constantly telling one another to work it and keep working it.

Obama wraps up by saying wherever and whenever he can make sure the economy rewards hard work, that is what he is going to do. That raspy, wheezing sound you hear is coal workers everywhere trying to laugh.

Lastly, the President dared to speak again the “H” word, saying he wants parents to be able to “pass down” hope and optimism. In practice, this means hand down their money and health insurance until their “children” finally reach adulthood at age 37. Oh, they grow up so fast!!

Happy Weekly Address, people! See you next week … unless Crimea gets all “look at me, I’m revolutioning” again. Oh, sorry about the chart thing. Totally lied about that.

About 

Caleb Howe is a blogger, tweeter, and owner of shoes. He has been writing at RedState for a decade, and has also been a contributor to AOL’s Political Machine, Mediaite, and the men’s humor website Asylum. Caleb was born in the lost colony of Roanoke and raised by a pack of wild accountants. He has been described as “accidentally funny,” “annoying,” “a right wing nutbag,” and most commonly, “who??” A former graphic designer, web developer, and United States Marine, Caleb is now a full time internet schmuck and gadabout.

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