By Caleb Howe


In the ongoing saga of “This Week’s Ginned Up Nothingtroversy”, the Red Eye panel dives in to discuss the implications of the ethnicity of Santa Claus. Is he white? Is he black? Does he lay eggs? Red Eye asks the questions, and then answers different questions.

Choice quote from Andy Levy: “Can’t we just add to Santa’s powers and make one of his powers he appears to people however they want?” I can answer that question for you, Andy, in the form of a Family Guy clip. Here is what would happen if we endorsed your prescribed madness:

Andy goes on to suggest that we just make Santa purple. Well we tried that.

grimace

Everybody just got diabetes.

About 

Caleb Howe is a blogger, tweeter, and owner of shoes. He has been writing at RedState for a decade, and has also been a contributor to AOL’s Political Machine, Mediaite, and the men’s humor website Asylum. Caleb was born in the lost colony of Roanoke and raised by a pack of wild accountants. He has been described as “accidentally funny,” “annoying,” “a right wing nutbag,” and most commonly, “who??” A former graphic designer, web developer, and United States Marine, Caleb is now a full time internet schmuck and gadabout.

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  • toongoon

    You know what they really want is Obama to be Santa Claus. He black and white and gives everybody gifts. (well not everybody, just potential voters, conservatives are bad, they get coal…..well ok, obviously not coal)

    • Sentinel

      Excellent!

    • Darrell Griffin

      They switched it to solar panels. Barack O’Claus handing out coal didn’t pass the focus group testing with the greenies.

    • Crassus

      And when Obama enters a room they can play Here Comes Santa Claus instead of Hail to the Chief.

  • magi52

    In a REAL CONSTITUTIONAL COUNTRY:

    Skin color or Religion would not matter… only IF it broke the rule of Law.

    WHAT has our country MORPHED INTO?

  • Judges718

    What’s next on the Cultural Marxist agenda? Transgendered Santa? Santa opens the first ever chapter of the North Pole Santa Elf Love Association?

    Can we please just leave Santa alone?

  • Guest

    7777777777.

  • HCTUB

    Santa should be who every the President is , so he can give people presents like obamacare , unemployment , Trillion dollar deficits , Transparency , Incompetence , Phony Scandals , I could go on all day , but people would still vote this Charlatan back in office if they could . MERRY CHRISTMAS

  • LIRight

    One of the best (satirical) news shows on TV. I’m sometimes up at that hour or wake-up early and watch it…….Guttfeld is smart as hell, witty and quick. Levy is right there with Greg.

    • Darrell Griffin

      Hit and miss with me. Some shows have me in stitches, others not so much.

  • Darrell Griffin

    ButtHurt: “An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult.”

    Reading some of the different threads and reaction of the LibBorg to the whole “Santa Claus is white” controversy is good comedy. It’s amazing how many of these loons take themselves so seriously. Even debating the finer points of what a Caucasian is and what shade of non-dark one has to be to be considered white. Apparently there are light skinned Caucasians and dark skinned …Caucasians. Whodathunkit ? And we’re the racists ?!?!?!

    Liberals spend their lives walking around looking for stuff to be offended about so they can silence and control it in the name of “inclusiveness and diversity.” Big fun sponges that they are. It’s hilarious to read, but pathetic at the same time. I, of course, have taken great pleasure in stirring them up even more. Why ? Because it is so much fun to see them foam at the mouth over something so stupid.

    According to the furious argument of many posts, Santa Claus apparently came from the middle east and we stole him. Therefore he wasn’t “white”, he was a dark-skinned Caucasian. I opined that THAT explains why the JihadiIslamoFascistNutjobs hate us so much. We must have taken him with us after the Crusades.

    Then I realized he lets his wife walk around without face covering and eat to excess, bribes kids with toys and candy, drinks eggnog and scarfs cookies, plays with elves, and other degenerate, pedophilic behavior. So they are likely more pissed off that we helped them escape to the North Pole, where it is too cold for the JihadiIslamoFascistNutjobs to go get him…muahahahahahaha. Of course that hypothesis was met with a firestorm about arabs, camels, deserts, and snow.

    We already know the snow is elitist racist. I mean just look at the color. No brainer.Can we just stipulate that ?

    So I have come up with a solution that should shut these whiny little trolls up, so they can go back to celebrating RamaHaminaHaminaHaminaQwanza and sing Kumbaya.

    I think they should make Santa Claus a jellyfish. That is much more inclusive and gender/ color neutral. It would also more closely resemble the liberal spine and intellect, and maybe they wouldn’t feel so “left out” and “butt hurt”.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ButtHurt

    • http://PolitiBrew.com Rshill7

      Well. I said Santa was light beige, and Jesus was either a darker shade of beige or light brown.

      Oh krikee, here we go again :-)

  • Jim Alexander

    Well at least if he’s white your chances of being shot by Santa are reduced, according to statistics. Blown up? Well that’s a different story.

  • ApplePie101

    St. Nicholas of Myra was a Greek from what is now southern Turkey. He was whatever color Greeks from that region were in the 3rd & 4th centuries.

  • Gary Dickson

    Actually, the truth is that Santa Claus is a Vogon spying on humans just before Earth is blown up to make way for an intergalactic highway.

  • WhiteGuy2

    In the spirit of truth, The Penguin was the alias of Oswald Cobblepot. (1958-1992) He was a deformed man who was abandoned and raised in the sewers as a baby. He carried deadly weapon concealed umbrellas and his horrible past turned him into a bitter and ruthless sociopath.

    http://batman.wikia.com/wiki/The_Penguin_(Danny_DeVito)

    • WhiteGuy2

      So you see,…the Penguin is a WhiteGuy2

    • Crassus

      I thought the Penguin was Burgess Meredith.

  • stage9

    GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!

    That is all…

    • http://PolitiBrew.com Rshill7

      It ain’t lookin’ good. Lookin’ like twelve years in a row so far :-)

      • stage9

        Yeah, our offense is pure garbage.

    • Darrell Griffin

      Hahaha. Complete Pwnage so far.

      Go Navy !

  • Freddie Sykes

    RE: Andy Levy: “Can’t we just add to Santa’s powers and make one of his powers he appears to people however they want?”

    He says that and then attacks the white guy for seeing Santa white? Sounds as if he what this new power to work for everyone BUT white males.

  • tshtsh

    Aren’t imaginary friends invisible?

  • ML NJ

    What color are the polar bears?

  • WhiteGuy2

    What does the fox say?

  • Dr. Strangelove

    No blacks on Red Eye? Buncha racists!

  • Dr. Strangelove

    For some odd reason I started humming Peter Gabriel’s “Games Without Frontiers” after watching the Family Guy clip.

  • CobraJet428

    Dumb Liberal Embarrassing Herself ALERT!

    Penguins are found in the Southern Hemisphere. NOT at the North Pole.