My network of spies is growing. This dispatch comes from my Florida Tree Frog.
Location: Charlie Crist’s Secret Chocolate factory. Head Umpa Lumpa’s Office
Crist: Welcome Governor.
Schwarzenegger: Stump with me if you want to . . .Meine muscles! What happened to your skin?
Crist: Nothing. Are you here to help me with Rubio?
Schwarzenegger: It’s like you’re make of orange peals.
Crist: Rubio. You have to help me with Rubio.
Schwarzenegger: Seriously, you look like Burnt Tang
(shouting from the distance “That’s my line!”)
Crist: Stop that! Now how will you help me with Rubio?
Schwarzenegger: First, let’s take stock of the situation. You’re a Bipartisan Republican. This I like.
Crist; Yes, I can get votes and take money from both sides.
Schwarzenegger: Have you done any photo ops that we can capitalize on?
Crist: I went out to a beach to show that no tar made it to Florida during Oilmageddon.
Schwarzenegger: You’re an idiot. Anything else?
Crist: Well, I’ve been seen with Obama on several occasions.
Schwarzenegger: Obama? You karotte gesicht! Even Democrats refuse to be seen with that vote vacuum.
Crist: Then what should I do?
Schwarzenegger: What about throwing out a pitch at a ball at a game. You know, so you don’t look like a orangutan girlie orange.
Crist: Uh yeah, I did that too.
Schwarzenegger: What happened?
Crist: (Shows youtube clip)
Schwarzenegger: (raises eyebrow) I can’t be seen with you.
Crist: You don’t have to. Just tell me how to defeat Rubio.
Schwarzenegger: Defeat him? HA. You’ll be lucky if he doesn’t dance on your chest like a Bollywood action hero.
Crist: Then why are you here?
Schwarzenegger: Maria said if I didn’t come and endorse you she’d ask Teddy to stay with us.
Crist: But he’s dead. He can’t stay with you.
Schwarzenegger: You tell a Kennedy what he can’t do.