CNN Smears Black Holes In Latest Bout Of Wild Speculation

Tonight, the theorizing at CNN on the possible culprits in the case of the missing Malaysian jet reached new levels of hyperbolic hypothesizing.

[flowplayer id=”93844″]

“What if it was something, fully, that we don’t really understand,” conjectures host Don Lemon.

“I know it’s preposterous,” Lemon adds for credibility. “But is it preposterous,” he then inexplicably argues back at himself.

Specuception.

As reported in this space before, CNN has become a virtual gravity well for speculation in this story, and this latest example really crosses the theoretical event horizon. In addition to the possibility of ravenous, rampaging black holes combing the oceans for jets to eat, Lemon floats the idea that maybe the jet got Twilight Zoned or Bermuda Triangled.

This .. is CNN.

Lemon cites as the source of these groundbreaking and serious theories two tweets. Two very grown-up and analytical tweets that are super for real.

But it can’t be that, we are assured, as Lemon’s guest Mary Schiavo tells us that even a small black hole would “suck in our entire universe.”

Whew. Glad that’s settled. Now we can get back to what really happened.

aliens

h/t Mediaite

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  • JohnCraven

    Hannity had a legitimate discussion with General MacInerny – I hope I spelt his name correctly – today and yesterday about his belief that the plane is in Pakistan or thereabouts and I think that is the most plausible explanation of all as to what happened to that plane.

    Now, I wish The Right Scoop would just let the Comedians News Network plummet into the ocean of no return where it’s been heading for a long time and stop giving it some life by posting it here.

    A more important story is actually happening right here in Louisiana where a Democrat state legislator from Monroe, Louisiana, home of the Robertson’s of Duck Dynasty, has introduced a bill to require abortionists to have admitting privileges at local hospitals. This could put a bunch of them out of business and I hope it happens soon.

    The legislator is Katrina Jackson, a democrat from Monroe, and I’d like to applaud her efforts to put as many abortionists out of business as possible. You can read about her efforts at this website:
    http://www.nationalrighttolifenews.org/news/2014/03/louisiana-state-representative-katrina-jackson-files-unsafe-abortion-protection-act-2/

    John Craven
    New Orleans

    • TexasPGRRider

      It`s workin` in Texas, so far…We`ll say a Prayer for ya`ll, John John

      • JohnCraven

        TexasPGRRider, we need all the prayers we can get and I humbly thank you for yours for your neighbor to the east namely us.
        John Craven
        New Orleans

  • Nukeman60

    That video displayed eight small black holes all talking together and as much as they suck all the intelligence right out of a room, I don’t think they would consume our entire universe.

    News flash: Al Sharpton has just announced that the ‘black hole’ theory is another Tea Party, Conservative, Republican racist idea.

    “How dare they imply that a**holes are necessarily black”, he was purported to have said. “Why, take MSNBC, for example. It is filled with mindless, empty-headed cretins and they are mostly white over there. Oops, wait a minute. Do I work for MSNBC? Resist I much.”

    • Sentinel

      Nice.

  • TexasPGRRider

    Guess they`re runnin` low on ammo at CNN…Good Lord only knows so far ….

  • kong1967

    Lol, she beat me to the black hole knockdown. The tiniest black hole would consume everything in sight, not just a freaking jet plane.

    In fairness, he was repeating speculation from the viewers and added that he knows it’s preposterous. I can see letting the expert answer the questions so viewers wouldn’t think…”you’re just a journalist and you don’t know crap about science”.

    Pretty stupid viewers, though. As if we didn’t know that already.

  • colliemum

    If we’re into way out theories – here’s mine: it’s all the fault of the big experiment at CERN, where they said they found the Higgs Boson, a.k.a. God particle.

    I bet some of those particles got loose, came out and, well …

    Anyway – Black Holes: isn’t that sort of waaaycist?

    On a more serious note, the Aussies think they may have found some debris:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/malaysia/10710250/Malaysian-Airlines-MH370-live.html

    • TexasPGRRider

      If you`ve got 24 minutes to spare colliemum, check out the vid I just posted above. I believe you`ll get the connection w/Britain in short order….

      • colliemum

        Thanks for that video – that was another real good’un.
        I hadn’t seen that before, and yes, I did ‘get’ the British connection p.d.q.!

        • TexasPGRRider

          Glad you enjoyed it…Great to see ya, mum. Have a Blessed day….

  • TexasPGRRider
    • Conservator1

      This was a great episode that I have seen a number of times. Thanks for sharing….

      • TexasPGRRider

        You`re Most welcome, C….

  • “The smallest black hole would consume our universe…”????? Yeah, and man is causing catastrophic global warming…. errr… climate change. The “party of science” showing off their brilliance again.

    What I meant to say is…these are the biggest idiots in history.

    • badbadlibs

      I believe you’re right. We can excuse the “flat earthers” back in the day. These guys have no excuse.

    • stage9

      The only “black hole” consuming our universe is Don Lemon’s mouth.

  • Sentinel

    Their science is no better than their politics.

    • badbadlibs

      Nailed it.

  • Swamp Fox

    Black holes? 😡

    • stage9

      or by their medical name: sphincters

  • Conservator1

    “…Lemon’s guest Mary Schiavo tells us that even a small black hole would “suck in our entire universe”…”

    How do dolts like this get on a panel of so-called experts? And Lemon is no rocket scientist either, just another lefty drooling over issues like gay marriage.

    Without black holes, there would be no galaxies. They are essential in the creation of galaxies. Our galaxy, the Milky Way, has a black hole. And I am not speaking about tiny little black holes. These are super massive black holes that exist in every galaxy. Also, this isn’t theoretical; it’s based on observation.

    If you have don’t have any scientific knowledge, then just shut up

    • badbadlibs

      The Mary Schiavo’s and the Lemon’s on CNN reflect the mentality of their audience.

    • stage9

      “How do dolts like this get on a panel of so-called experts?”

      IT’S CNN. Being a dolt is a prerequisite for employment.

      • Dr. Strangelove

        Getting fired from Walmart helps, too.

  • badbadlibs

    The real mystery with CNN is it’s ONLY their feeds that cause the “blue effect” on Disqus. hmmmm….aliens?

  • Darrell Griffin

    I see CNN is amping up the stupid.

    • Conservator1

      Over 200 people are likely dead and stupidity is unacceptable. Lemon should be fired. Comparing a real life disaster to a show like “Lost” is deplorable,

      • lawngren

        They can’t help it. They assassinated their brains to help elect obama, and the inevitable chickens are coming home to roost.

      • stage9

        But THIS is where their VIEWERSHIP (and frankly MOST of America) lives! In the fantasy world hollywood creates for them! They’re too stupid to care about the real world, so you have to dumb it down to “meet them where they’re at”.

    • stage9

      Yeah CNN has officially wandered into MSpiNBC territory.

  • xlogic1013

    Talk about CNN going cuckoo along with most of its competition. This is what I hate about the news business. They repeat or make up information on a “hot” story. Shame!

  • MadMadJack

    Black Hoes??? What a story about Michelle Obama??

  • MadMadJack

    And speaking of Black Holes.

    • Dr. Strangelove

      Hey, hey, hey,show a little respect for the First Wookie.

  • stage9

    My “way out there prediction”:

    I think the missing plane is up Don Lemon’s….oh, never mind.

  • stage9

    What is really fascinating about this is that NONE OF THE PANEL EVEN SO MUCH AS BLINKED WHEN HE PUT FORTH THIS ABSURD COMMENT! Not a raised eyebrow! Not a chuckle! NOT EVEN an uncomfortable shift in their seat! It’s as though these wild and fantastical theories are simply commonplace at CNN! They’re a joke!

  • B-Funk

    Well, the media died in 2008, so these people are really just another fictional tv show to fill the prime time slot. They have about as much credibility as Captain Kirk. In their own universe they are definitely experts, but in real life not so much.

    • stage9

      Good point. It’s like Reality TV for news! LOL!

    • lawngren

      I liked Captain Kirk a lot better.

      • Needs… more… pauses.

  • Josh

    Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe that this flight was hijacked and has landed somewhere. I believe they are gutting it and it will be used as a WMD somewhere. And with the range and payload of a 777, the terrorists have just found an ICBM that very few would readily shoot down.

  • tinlizzieowner

    NEWS FLASH!
    Plane still missing, every talking head has something to say, nobody knows squat.
    We now return you to the lurid trial some South African ‘Jock Jerk’ that bumped off his ‘hot chick’ ol lady. Que the music.
    :-/

    • lawngren

      Sad but accurate. Thankfully there were lyrics, so I didn’t have to listen to the music.

      • tinlizzieowner

        “Sad but accurate”
        Yes, it is. The ‘news room’ is the ‘dealer’ providing the product (at substantial profit) but the ‘consumer’ is the general public.
        “It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry”.
        :-{ :-{

        • lawngren

          Too many people who grew up with video games. I used to play Delta Force 2 a lot and loved it, but I know the difference between a game and reality.

  • physicsnut

    remember ‘Honey I shrunk the kids’ ?
    I bet Rick Moranis shrank the plane.

  • timsrighty

    This nonsense really helps the families and friends of those missing or dead. Shameless fools.

  • Cnull

    These are the guys who are always claiming they rely on science and report that Global warming is man made? I think they are confused with science fiction!

  • Yazz55

    The black hole…brought to you by the same science and scientists that manufactured global warming.

    • stage9

      I think you mean “science” and “scientists”. 😉

  • lawngren

    Let me see if I get this – a small black hole would suck in our entire UNIVERSE ??

    Noun1.universe – everything that exists anywhere (From an actual dictionary, an arcane source of knowledge not accessible to former IG’s of the DOT.)

    Soooo … ummm … the black holes that astronomers have located exist .. outside of everything anywhere?

    If you want the technical info:
    “In the region of the Universe visible from Earth, there are perhaps 100 billion galaxies. Each one has about 100 million stellar-mass black holes. And somewhere out there, a new stellar-mass (that means star-sized. Like our sun, a million times bigger than Earth) black hole is born in a supernova every second.” (http://hubblesite.org/explore_astronomy/black_holes/encyc_mod3_q7.html)

    HAHAHAHhahahahahaa …. compared to a former Inspector General of the Deee Oh Tee, I’m a genius. Took me about 1.3 seconds to find that. First google hit.

    Oh, BTW, don’t worry about all those voracious black stellar-mass black holes, any one of which could suck up our entire universe:

    “Fortunately, the Universe is enormous and none of its known black holes are close enough to pose any danger to Earth.” (same source)

    See? Nothing can go wrong. HAHAHhahahahahaha….. have a nice day! :>

    • TexasPGRRider

      Or Bush….

    • Laurel

      Well that is more plausible.

    • Dr. Strangelove

      I don’t recognize that scene. Must be from the one I haven’t seen yet, Harry Potter and the Deathly Tedious Sequel.

  • M_Minnesota

    And these reporters get paid more than I do.

  • Laurel

    Morons with a microphone.

  • mjs_28s

    Wow. Nice science.

    “…a small black hole would suck in the entire universe…”

    I wonder if she knows that there are billions of black holes already in the universe that are not “small” by any stretch.

    This, from Mary, the former IG for the DOT. How could someone get a post like that and be so ignorant to the most basic of science?

    She must be a graduate in a social science and avoided every single math and science course beyond the minimums to graduate. It scares me that people like her make policy.

  • jeff

    I blame Al Gore’s internets.

  • jeff

    Wait! Its crystals! No, its pyramid power! No, its voodoo! No its OBL’s corpse pulling mooslims to their death with his siren song!

  • Betsey_Ross

    It just has to be that nasty Polar Vortex!

  • Kleverabevera

    This could be a big advert for the Godzilla movie.

  • Neo

    The plane disappeared due to …. Global Worming

  • joethefatman

    Doesn’t Lemon head realize he used a RAAAACIST dog whistle? Commissioner John Wiley Price of Dallas done said so back in ’08

    Video proof

    http://youtu.be/oc1zGRUPztc

    • Dr. Strangelove

      Blackula was unavailable for comment.

  • NullUnit60

    Black holes suck!

    BTW, isn’t it racist to call them black holes?

    • Dr. Strangelove

      In Russia they say “dark star” because black hole is a crude anatomical reference.

  • I LOL’ed and I BwaHaHa’ed. This is the funniest take I’ve seen on it, over at iOwnTheWorld. com

    The title says it all: Black Hole Son

  • Dr. Strangelove

    My sources tell me the plane landed on Guam and tipped it over, that’s why they can’t find it.

  • Hadris Ellsberg

    While those of the liberty school realize that coercive power keeps the peace, they work to minimize government’s overall coercive power.